Lost in Tribulation: It wasn't supposed to happen
by wendyindiguise22
Summary: Sarah is forced into a once fictional world, after a life altering plane crash thrusts her on a familiar island with familiar mysteries with even more familiar faces.  She struggles to keep her secret and wonders, is it all coincidence, or is it fate?
1. The Beginning of the End

THE BEGINNING OF THE END

**Present Day**

I blindly played with a string hanging off of the couch I sat on that had been handed down to me from my late grandmother. The string twisted around my finger turning the tip of it blue until I freed my finger and repeated the process. An open Psychology book rested on my knees and the weight of it kept reminding me to stop procrastinating and study.

It was my last final for the semester and my studying habits had been worn down throughout the week – who was I kidding, they had been nonexistent for the past three months. Studying was overrated anyways. Everything these days seemed overrated compared to the life I used to lead. Over the weeks it had grown more and more difficult to concentrate as the anniversary approached. Images of that far away place and the people were making me feel nostalgic and school just didn't seem to matter anymore. My grades were slipping, sure, but up to this point I had managed to not fail. If he ever found out about my poor grades I knew it would disappoint him. And that was the last thing I wanted to do. Thoughts of him had helped me drag myself to the end of the school year. I sighed and temporarily erased his face from my mind. I plucked off the loose string and said farewell to my companion as it floated to the ground and fell out of sight.

"Okay, time to study," I said to myself.

"Hey Sarah," said Amanda, my bespectacled roommate as she descended the stairs of our apartment. Her hair was sloppily positioned high on her head as she yawned. "Are you done studying yet? It's getting late."

"No, I still have a lot do to. It's pointless though I'm going to fail regardless," I said.

"Oh please, you'll do fine, you always do. Just make sure to get some sleep, that always helps me," said Amanda.

"Yeah, at this point I don't think anything can help me, but I'll call it a night soon. I just have some things to look over," I said, as I smiled to her. She paused in front of me and stood awkwardly on the balls of her feet. Her body was turned towards the kitchen but she continued to look at me. She looked like a contorted dancer.

"I uh – I was just thinking about it and I was curious," Amanda said as she dropped her head and intertwined her fingers, "are you going to see your dad at all this summer?" I closed my book and sighed. I had been waiting for her to ask me that for weeks now, knowing she was curious of my plans but it was something that we never discussed. I shook my head.

"No. I called him to tell him I couldn't make it. He was disappointed naturally but I've been doing that to him my whole life," I said.

"I'm glad you told him no. Considering all of the weird drama between you two," Amanda said.

"Yeah, he just doesn't really get it. The whole incident three years ago…that's exactly it, it's been three years. He thinks I should be healed of all fears by now or something. I just can't do it," I said. "And I think he wants to get the chance to parade me around just because of my face and who I am."

"I don't blame you. I couldn't imagine going through what you did. I would be just as hesitant as you feel now. He should know better than to think that of you," she said.

"Thanks Amanda, I'm glad someone's on my side," I said to her as she smiled to me.

She dropped her hands and disappeared through the kitchen. I closed my eyes, trying to rid my mind of the overwhelming memories that had suddenly entered my head. It all seemed to happen so long ago and just yesterday all at the same time. Faces and names formed in my retinas and almost escaped my mouth but I stopped myself. I had spent too much time thinking about all the what-ifs and I had finally come to peace with my decision. Instead I stared down at the fine print of my book and began to read.

"I think I might leave tomorrow evening," Amanda shouted from the kitchen. "If you leave tomorrow afternoon will you write down the alarm code again so I can set it? I lost the last one you gave me," The sound of pots and pans being moved around trailed after her voice.

"Sure," I shouted back.

A soft knock fell upon the front door and I glanced at the nearest clock. 9:22pm.

"I'm coming!" I said as I tossed the book from my lap.

The deadbolt unlocked swiftly under my hand as I pulled the door open. The core of my body immediately froze. The silhouette of his body gave him away before I even saw his face. It had been years since I had seen him and the sight of an old friend made my eyes sting.

"Hey," he said as I flicked on the porch light. His eyes squinted as they adjusted to the sudden light source. A nicely dressed, clean shaven Jack stood on my front porch.

"Oh my god," I said.

"Surprised?" he asked.

"Hey would you eat some Poppers if I made some?" Amanda yelled from the kitchen. I ignored her and slipped onto the porch, closing the door behind me. Jack beamed down to me and I struggled to find the right words. Instead I wrapped my arms around his body and held him in a desperate embrace, clutching onto his back as if this was last time I would see him.

"I'm going to take that as a 'yes'," he said. We broke our hug and I wiped my damp face.

"I'm shocked," I said. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought you would know," Jack said. I rolled my eyes and smiled.

"It doesn't always…" I began.

"..work like that. Yeah, I know," he said. "How have you been?"

"I've been good. Been busy. School, work, more school," I said.

"How is school going? You're grades aren't slipping are they?" he asked jokingly.

"I'm trying to hang in there," I said. "How have you been?"

"I'm good. Better, than last time we talked," Jack said biting his lip. "I shouldn't have called you like that and said what I did." He stared at me intensely with that same look he got when he was telling you something important. "That's not fair to you and I shouldn't have asked you. I'm sorry," he said. His face was serious and I knew it was taking him a lot to say that to me. The creases on his forehead wrinkled as he pursed his lips; typical serious Jack face. I bit on my lower lip and remembered back to the phone conversation we had had two weeks previous. Jack had yelled at me and I had cried. That felt like an eternity ago. Everything felt like an eternity ago.

"I've been through more good with you than bad Jack. So let's let bygones be bygones," I said. We stood in silence and I breathed in a lung full of dry air. "Funny how things end up, huh?" I said.

"Yeah," Jack said as he combed his hand through his hair.

"I like you better without the beard, by the way," I said. Jack looked at me curiously. I loved playing this game with him.

"You are something else," he said as I tried to hide the smile from my face.

"Actually I saw you on the news," I said.

"Oh, right," he said sighing and raising his eyebrows. I must have embarrassed him.

It was great to see Jack again. He had fallen off the face of the earth after we returned. I had honestly missed him every day since then but wanted to give him his space. It was difficult knowing how close we were, in the same city, and feeling like I had to avoid him. I thought that school and work would have kept him off my mind but it was just the opposite. Three years seemed like an eternity ago and we were talking like old friends who had just seen each other the past day.

"So what's the special occasion?" I asked.

Jack furrowed his brow again, a bad habit I had always thought, as if I was already supposed to know.

"I thought-" he began. "You don't know?"

"What you mean you didn't just come to hassle me about my studies?" I asked jokingly. He shook his head. I was miffed. "You're being serious, what's wrong? Is everything okay? Is it Kate?"

"No, Kate's fine," he said. "Here, take this," he handed me a small booklet. I took it from his and inspected the paperwork that was hidden inside. It was an airplane ticket. Airja Airlines.

With the blink of my eyes images of jungle and sand morphed into one and I thought that I may be sick.

"Oh," I breathed out.

How did I lose track of time? Everything must have happened as it originally would have; a sloppy drunk Jack had grown guilty over the years and realized that the answer to all of his depression would be to go back to the island. He had seen Ben who had told him it was possible to go back if he had everyone come with him. _Everyone._ It all clicked in my head. My eyes reeled open and I stared at a smiling Jack. I shook my head at him.

"I can't go with you," I said handing the ticket back over as Jack's smile slowly faded. "I can't go back Jack."

"Sarah do you remember that day in the hatch?" Jack asked.

"Which one?" I scoffed.

"When you told me that I needed to trust you?" Jack said. "Well I need you to trust me now."

"This isn't about trust," I said. "I'm telling you right now that I cannot go back to that place."

"Please, Sarah, I need this," he said. My heart broke for Jack. I knew that he had wanted this badly and I remembered all of the tribulations he encountered after we returned. Regardless of his feelings, I had mine too. I knew that what I had already been through once was enough to last me a lifetime and I'll be damned if he wanted me to go through it again. I shook my head.

"I _want_ you to come back with us," Jack quickly said as he stepped closer to me, I continued to shake my head. "Ben thinks you should come."

"Ben?" I snapped at him. "I wouldn't trust Ben Linus with my life. Do you not remember everything he put me through, everything he put _you_ through?"

"Please Sarah, I need you to come back," Jack said.

"I have school, I have work, I have responsibilities. I can't just leave everything behind to go back," I said. "I lost everything I had once and I'm not going to lose it again."

"Lose what? It's not like you have anyone here worth staying for anymore. Your dad didn't even come up for the funeral Sarah. Come back with us and you won't have to deal with any of it again." As soon as he said it I knew he didn't mean it. "I'm sorry, I just-" Jack began.

"I have to go, and so do you," I said as I stared at my feet.

This felt just like old times. Jack and I joking around, having good conversation right before we started bickering. It's what we were best at. Old habits I guess you could say.

"The plane leaves in three hours," he said, holding out the plane ticket to me. "You have some time to think about it," he said as I removed the ticket from his hand. He walked away and I watched from my door as his silhouette cut across the parking lot to his car. Everything I had believed in the moment before Jack appeared had suddenly changed. I knew this day would come and that I would have a choice to make which I had thought I made long ago. A part of me never wanted to see the island again. Another part of me wanted to keep living out my Lost-dream-come-true and return with my friends. I never in one million years thought I would be struggling with something like this. This was all supposed to be fiction; it was only a TV show. Then just like that, one flight to LA changed my life forever.

I opened the booklet and stared at the ticket in my hand. A glint of silver caught my eye. Hiding behind the ticket was a necklace. I pulled it out and held it up. My eyes welled with memories: Natalie and I driving in the car, Jack and I walking through the jungle, laughing with Claire on the beach, holding Sawyer in my arms, consulting Kate for advice…

The memories were unbearable, and as I stared at the Ankh necklace, something I thought I had lost so long ago, I couldn't help but break down into sobs. I looked up to Jack but he had already made it to his car and was backing out. There was so much left unsaid between Jack and I and this just added on to the pile. The situation we had been put through had forced us to get along but nothing was forcing him to come back, in the dead of the night, to not only return something that was dear to me, but to also ask me a favor. Looking back on our past I should have not hesitated when Jack asked me to go back. I had asked plenty of him on the island because above all else I held him in the highest regards. And every time I asked something of him he eventually came through. And here I was, the first time he asks something of me and I say no.

"Dammit," I said to myself.

"Hello Sarah." Out of the darkness his voice swirled around my head. It sent chills down my spine and I struggled to muster up enough confidence to stand straight and face him. Our past was arguably longer and more complicated than the one I shared with Jack and for that, I hated him. I slowly turned as he walked out of the darkness and we faced each other for the first time in three years. I wish I could have wiped the smirk off his face with my right hook.

"We need to talk," he said.

I opened my mouth. "Yeah, Ben, I'd say we do."


	2. My So Called Life

MY SO CALLED LIFE

**Three years ago**

Call me strange, but I have always held certain resentment towards summer vacation. For the last five years I've been forced to spend those twenty weeks with a man who was practically a stranger to me despite our blood relation. For those last three years however I have had to face my father alone. After my sister's accident she could not accompany me any longer. My mother hated sending me across the globe against my will just to see my father but in another light, it was the only time out of the whole year I saw him. I think the real reason she hated it was because I had to spend my summer in another country's winter season. But I truly didn't mind that; I just minded my father.

Finally this year however, my mother let me choose if I wanted to go see him or not. I went anyways. I don't really know why either, I suppose it was the good angel on my shoulder saying I should fulfill my daughterly duties and just suck it up. This fall I would be in college and by next summer I would be living on my own in an apartment. In short this means I won't have to give my dad the time of day after today, my last day of summer vacation. I had been bored out my mind in Sydney and was anxious to breathe, feel, and taste the Los Angeles air again. I think I was most excited to see my mom.

"You know you don't have to go right? I can call him right now and tell him to shove it," my mom said as she sat on my bed with her arms crossed. I laughed at her.

"I would love to be here for that conversation. But really it's okay. I'm going to go, it's the last summer I will ever have to deal with him anyways," I said.

"I just don't want you to suffer," she said.

"Well on the plus side - I'll be spending eight weeks in the sunshine, walking on beaches, staring at good looking-guys with hot accents. Oh the agony, how will I ever manage?" I said, playfully hitting my mom with a tee shirt, then folding it to pack into my suitcase.

"I just hate that you have to be so far away," she said. "I wish you could be close so if anything happened you could just hop on a bus and be home in a few hours."

"Yeah I can't do that when I'm all the way down-unda in Australia can I?" I said.

My mom shook her head and looked away as she said,

"Well, if I can't get you to stay then I guess I should help you pack so you won't be late. You could just always miss your flight you know."

"Mom, stop. I'll be fine, really" I said.

"Oh can't forget these" she said, walking briskly over to my vanity and removing a jacket that had been lazily tossed over it. Revealed were my four precious seasons of my all-time favorite show LOST. I gasped in surprise and said,

"I can't believe I almost forgot these."

"Good thing I spotted them," she said.

"Yeah," I said with a sigh.

"What's up kid?" she said.

"I just," I began. "I don't know. It just seemed so much easier doing this with Natalie. And every year I think I'll be alright without her but…I mean look at me, I'm relying on a TV series to help me get by."

"That's it, you're not going," my mother said.

"No!" I said. "It's just the same hesitations I have every year. I'll be fine, I promise. Besides," I said grabbing my necklace and holding it dearly. "I've got lucky Ankh to get my through the summer. And you're just a phone call again."

"Come here kid," she said, pulling me into a full body hug. _God she gives the best hugs._ "My baby girl all grown up. In a few months USC better watch out, Miss Sarah Hager is coming to learn!"

"Mom," I groaned.

"What? I can't gloat on my own daughter?" she asked.

"You know I feel weird about starting college so late," I said.

"Late?" she said shaking her head in disbelief. "You're only 21."

"It still feels weird. I haven't sit in a classroom in over five years," I said.

"It's never too late to do something," she said. "You have what it takes Sarah. You've waited long enough until you've felt comfortable and now you're there. So what if you're a 21 year old freshman in college? There's no age limit to a good education."

"I'm soon to be 22 might I remind you," I said, trying to change the subject.

"No, you don't need to remind me! I feel older everyday as it is," she said.

Her smile faded and she walked over to me, brushing my hair with her fingers as she said,

"I know you miss Natalie, and nothing can replace that sister bond but just remember this…"

"What?" I said.

"I love you," she said. I playfully slapped her hand away.

"Aw you're so nerdy," I teased.

"Seriously," she said. I sighed heavily and hugged her.

"I know," I said. "I love you too."

That was the last time I talked to my mom since coming out to be with my father and his new wife. It's sad to say, but I think I will miss the beach and ocean water more than my dad. I guess one can't really understand until you meet the man. He has no regard for me nor does he wish to, even if he does make sure I am sent to his doorstep via Priority mail every May and sent back home with a pat on the head every August. It is all just for show. Leaving your wife and child for an attractive woman half your age just would not settle right among most of his working colleagues, especially his boss – a loyal husband of forty years with four offspring and twice as many grandchildren to account for. I'm to be there every summer for my father to fill the missing puzzle piece in his new family portrait. For example, it never fails that on his birthday June 19, I am dragged into his place of employment just to be paraded about only to leave early to share some "father daughter time" – or as my father tells his secretary, "We're playing hooky, don't tell the boss man." I can see him now winking down to her, making her giggle like a damn schoolgirl. It was disgusting. And yet I continued to do it. I guess it got to be routine for me. A couple of weeks of fake smiling in exchange for several weeks of solitude and miles of beach did not seem too bad to me. I had all the beach I would ever want and massive quality writing and drawing time. The sky was my canvass and the beach was my companion – that was all I had ever needed during the summer. By the end of my vacation however I had grown tired of the endless routine and I truly was glad to be returning home.

The hustle and bustle of the airport was beginning to eat into my subconscious and naturally I began to get a headache. I can hear my mom now, "It's all in your head, you don't have a headache just keep saying it to yourself and it will go away." Okay mom here I go, _I don't have a headache_. _I don't have a headache._

The airport seems especially busy this morning as I stood waiting in line to go through security. _God I hope I don't miss my flight, could this line move just a little faster please? I don't have headache, I don't have a headache._ I wanted to be in LA as soon as possible and moving at the speed of stupid was testing my patience. At least the weather is nice outside, definitely no chance of delayed flights today. I hope Amanda remembers to pick me up at LAX. I took my cell phone out and quickly typed.

**U better not sleep thru your alarm ur picking me up at 7am. **

Sent.  
I waited for a reply. Do you ever get the feeling that you are being watched? I looked down and met the beady eyes of a young child staring back at me while they hung on to their parent's leg. I made a face to him and he sneered back. What a brat. _I don't have a headache, I don't have a headache. _My phone buzzed in my hand.

**U think I would forget? I haven't seen you in 8wks im dying 2 gossip. **

I was about to get smart with her and leave some snoody reply when I realized she was probably getting ready for bed right now. Just last summer she had stayed up half the night talking to her boyfriend via AIM. She forgot to set her alarm and I sat at LAX for four hours waiting - with no money in my pocket and a dead cell phone; how convenient right? So instead I wrote.

**u better not, sleep tight!**

I put my phone away and looked up. Oh great the line moved up five feet, what a feat. With at least ten security lanes you think the line would move faster. Again my phone vibrated in my pocket, I dug it out – it was from Amanda.

**Don't let the bedbugs bite! Im going to bed now and am off aim, don't fret bf ill be there.**

After another long haul, a female security guard motioned her hand towards me. A smile fell across my face; thank you my turn has finally come. I threw my bag on the conveyer belt and quickly stepped out of my flip-flops and sent them through the dark traveling hole. I walked through the metal detector and passed with flying colors; I had this routine down to a tee. I quickly grabbed my belongings and booked it as fast as my short legs would allow all the way to my gate.  
…..

Gate 19, gate 21...alas gate 23, departing to LAX, estimated arrival time, 7:00am. One step closer to home baby. I looked around the waiting area - full house. My stinging feet were yelling at me now and my calves burned. _We'll be sitting for 14 hours, you can stand for a little longer_, I told them. A tinge suddenly erupted in my lower back; okay I get it, I'll sit down for a bit. I fell back against a wall and sunk into the floor. I looked out the spacious window and met the airplane staring back at me. It's so cool how that huge chunk of metal and gas can transport numerous bodies in a matter of hours.  
The intercom interrupted my thought. 

"Delta flight 815 is now boarding rows 42 through 23..." 

My forehead wrinkled in confusion. I politely tapped the shoulder of the woman sitting next to me. 

"Hi I'm sorry but have they already seated first class?" I asked. The best thing about flying to and from my dad's was sitting in first class. I personally could care less, but hey, "appearing wealthy will get you places" - he would tell me. And it sure makes the long trek back home more comfortable.

"Sure did, about ten minutes ago I would say," the woman said smiling.

"Great thank you," I said as I looked away and huffed. I didn't think I was that late. To me, being on time is being late. I guess I could just mingle on board with the rest of the crowd. I grabbed my bag and went to stand in line with the countless others. Awesome…another slow moving line, just what my already dwindling patience asked for.

I stared straight ahead and my eyes focused on the person's jacket in front of me. A large blue fuzz stood out against the brown leather jacket they wore. I quietly reached up to pluck it off. I did so and smiled to myself, _all better_. The person turned around and faced me. Apparently I had plucked too hard. I began to explain,

"Sorry you had a huge fuzz on your jacket, I was just…" I began, but my mouth stopped short. I was trying to find the words to finish the sentence but my mind suddenly went blank. All except for two words - a name actually. Michelle Rodriguez. She looked down to my hand and must have noticed the fuzz lying outstretched on my palm.

"Thanks," she said coolly. She turned back around and took a step forward – noticeably furthering the distance between us.

I've never actually seen a known actor on one of my flights before. I've seen Robert Downing Jr. from across the street in downtown LA, but this was not eight inches from my face. God I wish I a season of LOST in my bag so I could make her sign it, but those were carefully tucked away in my baggage between a pair of jeans and my favorite Doors shirt somewhere lost in the plane's cargo area. The attendant checked her ticket and sent Michelle on her way down the corridor to the plane as I handed my ticket over.

"I'm sorry there must be a mistake" the woman said as she looked up to me, making my heart drop. _You've got to be kidding right?_

"I don't understand, what's the problem?" I asked her.

"First class is already seated and full. There must have been an accidental double booking," she said staring back at me like a deer in the head lights.

"And how do we go about fixing that problem?" I asked her. I wasn't normally a smart ass when it came to situations like this one, but I lost my patience somewhere between saying goodbye to my dad and standing in the security line.

"Go over to that counter and the woman there will help you." The woman pointed to the counter positioned next to the gate. I dropped my head in defeat and made my walk of shame over to the counter. The woman waiting there had overheard my predicament and empathetically smiled down to me. I handed her my ticket and tried to force a smile.

"Hi." I said to her.

"Hello let me see what can be done for you." The woman was genuinely nice, that was the best thing about Australian people they all were so nice and had badass accents to add to their charm. The woman turned her attention to her computer screen, a serious concentrated look falling upon her face. I looked back to the people in line waiting to board the plane. Most of them stared back at me, with the God-I'm-glad-that's-not-me-look.

"Well you're in luck," the woman said to me. "Row 16 seats A and B are empty. Would you like the window or isle seat?" She smiled at me, happy that she had helped someone. I smiled back at her.

"Window would be great. Thank you so much," I replied. She hit a few more buttons on her keyboard and handed back my ticket.

"My pleasure. Thank you for flying Delta, have a great flight." The woman smiled up to me. I wondered how many times she had to say that in a day. I smiled back and tucked my ticket away into my pocket as I headed towards the plane.

…...

I entered the plane and was greeted by a flight attendant who smiled warmly at me. I took a deep breath before stepping on board as I felt the commotion in my gut start to pick up speed. Okay, row 16, row 16 - I repeated in my head as my eyes followed along designated seating labels positioned above each row. Row 16, seat A - window seat. I sighed in relief and sat down. It would be amazing if the seat next to me were empty for the flight; I think everyone secretly wishes for that.

The feeling had finally sunk in. My head began to throb and my eyes were beginning to hurt – stupid motion sickness. I looked up and quickly turned on the air duct above my head to cool my face. I've never actually thrown up but the feeling of sickness always occured. I closed my eyes and pulled my knees to my chest, covering my face and took in a deep breath. I can fight this feeling. _You don't have a headache, you don't have a headache. It's all imagined, you don't have a headache._ I stuck close to my mantra as I felt the numerous persons walk past my seat. They probably all pinned me to be that one sick person by the looks of me. 

It felt like forever but I finally heard the sound, the sound of the door closing. I reluctantly looked up and confirmed my estimation. _Time for lift off._ What a plus, an empty seat next to me - talk about a rarity. 

We waited for the plane to gain motion as we sat in the terminal. _Tick tock tick tock, let's get this train rolling…or plane, whatever._

I curiously and quickly looked at the people ahead of me then to the middle class section of the plane. I rested back into my seat. _Wait a second. Did I just see?…_ I whipped my head around again and felt my jaw drop. Several rows behind me on the other side of the plane I stared at the Matthew Fox. He calmly sat there in his blue suit with a melancholy look on his face. _This can't be real. Can it?_ I sat back in my seat as the plane began leaving the gate. First Michelle, then Matthew? How coincidental is that? I looked back over my seat and sifted my eyes through the rest of the passengers. My heart was about to explode out of my chest. I eagerly searched and found what I was somehow expecting to see. Dominic Monaghan sat on the edge of his seat, fidgeting, biting at his fingernails and not five seats behind him sat Jorge Garcia who conspicuously looked around him before shoving a candy bar in his mouth. This can't be real. This is….impossible. Was this a LOST reunion or what, because I certainly did not get the memo. I usually believe in coincidence but damn. This was a little over board. Another man caught my eye; the Marshal from the pilot episode of LOST. Our eyes met and he looked at me in an odd manner, which I could understand - total shock was stamped across my forehead. I looked next to him at the window and saw her. Evangeline, or Kate - by this point in time I had no idea. I heard someone hiss at me. I turned around in my seat and looked up - the flight attendant motioned at me to sit down from her secured seat next to the cock pit door. I quickly did so and looked around the plane, not sure where to exactly look. I forced a laughed. This isn't real. It's not like the plane is going to get lost and the hatch is going to cause the plane to crash which means I could possible die. I quickly snatched the vomit bag and placed it over my mouth, making sure to take in deep breaths. I was letting my imagination get the best of me. It's a TV show, created by people, nothing like that could actually happen. _Calm down Sarah._ The plane suddenly lifted into the air, causing me to squeal out loud. I immediately not only felt ridiculous, but also felt the eyes of the people around me staring at my face. I pulled out my phone which was wrapped around my ticket. I was about to hysterically text my mom when I realized something. I brought my ticket up to my eyes. Flight 815. You're joking right? But wait, this is a Delta flight, not Oceanic. I rubbed my temples in confusion, my headache was on full rage and I was hardly in the mood to talk myself out of having one. I quickly ripped open my bag that sat next to me until I dug out my Dramamine. I popped the lid and threw three pills down my throat. There, now I really won't have to talk down my headache. I blindly threw the bottle back into my bag and sealed it. My phone! I had already forgotten. My fingers fumbled for the power button and the screen lit up.

"Come on, come on," I said to the phone. I ducked my head down to conceal my phone from the flight attendants. Scrolling through my phone book I stopped on 'Mom'. The phone began to ring.

"Sarah?" my mom asked.

"Mom, people from Lost are on my flight!" I whispered hysterically through the receiver.

"What, what are you talking about?" she asked.

"Lost, the TV show. The actors from the show are on my flight. You know, Matthew, Evangeline, Dominic, Jorge, they're here!"

"Sarah honey what on earth are you talking about?"

"Mom, Lost, hello? We watch it together every week."

"I've never heard of this, I don't know what you're saying,"

I lifted my head in disbelief. How could she not know? We've been watching since season one.

"Hold on I'm at the computer, let me look it up," she said. "Okay, 'Lost'," I listened impatiently as she typed on her keyboard. "I'm not seeing anything."

"It doesn't say anything about a tv show or buying shirts or watching it online?"

"No. I'm worried Sarah is everything okay?"

"Please put your phone away," I looked up as a flight attendant stood in the aisle staring at me. _Oh my god_. It was flight attendant from Lost, I was sure of it. I nodded to her and blindly closed my phone.

This had to be completely impossible. This doesn't…no, it _can't _exist. It has to be sheer coincidence..right? Oh my head. Is it hurting from the motion of the plane or is my imagination getting the best of me? Probably the latter of the two but regardless – _is this really happening_? A part of me wanted to just jump and run up to Matthew Fox and say, "Hey, are you Matthew Fox? Is this one big Lost reunion or is my excessive daydreaming seriously altering the current condition of my mental state?" I probably should stay seated before they all tie me up and declare me clinically insane. My head was growing heavy as I lay back, trying to rest my tense body and calm down. _Is it hot in here or is it just me? God I feel trapped. _Without looking I undid my seatbelt and readjusted myself in my seat. _Just close your eyes, take deep breaths, and it will all be okay._ Why was I so scared? What was I scared of? What would Jack do? He would count….that's right. He would count to five and the fear would be gone. I parted my lips.

"One." I whispered under my breath.

"Two. Three." Hey this might actually be working.

"Four. Five." My heart finally began to slow down. I let the rhythm of it become my mantra until I eventually fell asleep.

Do you ever have that dream where you're falling? You can't see where you are exactly falling but your whole body for just an instant seems to be weightless and frozen in time? Until you finally realize you're falling and your entire body spasms...

Yeah I had one of those dreams. My whole body jolted in reaction as my eyes fluttered open and adjusted on the seat in front of me. I glanced over. Everything was calm. I was still in the plane and we were still LA bound. I must have fallen asleep; how many Dramamine did I take again? That means I've lost track of time – glorious. My head felt better at least and the feeling of panic had subsided. I quietly laughed to myself. How ridiculous I must have looked earlier, freaking out about everything. My mom's right, I should learn not to sweat the small stuff so much.

Movement across the aisle catches my eye. What was that? It's Dominic, and he's moving fast towards the back of the plane. _Where is he going? Why are the flight attendants following him?_

"Excuse me sir!" The female attendant called out to him.

My eyes continue to follow him. What the hell was that all about? Wait, here he comes. Dominic changes directions and is now headed towards the cock pit. The plane suddenly hit turbulence, rocking the plane for a moment. My hands desperately grasped the arm rests in reaction as the seatbelt sign clicked on.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign…" The flight attendant reiterated over the plane's intercom.

Wait…my eyes followed back to the cock pit – Dominic was gone. Did he go in the bathroom? My mind retraced back to the first season of Lost. Charlie had run into the bathroom to do heroin when the plane hit turbulence. It's just coincidence right? I'm starting to loathe the word coincidence.

With no warning the plane shook violently and instantly sent me flying into the overhead compartment above my head. It felt like I was on a rollercoaster ride and my constraint had failed. The side of my body met the arm rest dividing the seats, knocking the wind out of me. I forgot I had unbuckled my seatbelt right before I must have fallen asleep. _You are one smart lady Sarah, you jackass._ My head was pounding and my ears were ringing.

"Are you okay?" I heard someone yell at me.

I looked up and saw the mask dangling before my eyes. A middle-aged man sitting next to me across the aisle looked at me bewildered. I merely nodded back to him as I fumbled for my mask and struggled to place it over my face. I sat frozen in shock and tried to take several deep breaths from the mask. An odd sensation on my cheek got my attention, _what_ _the hell is dripping down my face_? I retract my hand and find it to be smeared with blood. The plane shakes much harder and my hands scramble to put my seatbelt back on. It takes me four tries before I hear the metal click. I pull on the slack as hard as possible. That's when I felt it. The other half of the airplane suddenly ripped off and my entire body feels like it is being sucked out of the plane. The air is whipping around my face, knocking off my ill situated mask and I scream back in terror. The plane suddenly spins in the air and my head is slammed against the hard plastic of the window next to me. The last thing I saw was a blob of blue and green hovering just below me outside the window; then my world went black.


	3. Remnants of Deja Vu

REMNANTS OF DEJA VU

My eyes opened to darkness with fragments of light, trying to focus like the iris of a camera. A hum of voices was off in the distance while the interior of the fuselage creaked and broken wires hissed. The fall of gravity made me quickly realize that I was hanging upside down. I blindly reached up to my seatbelt which was still intact. The buckle did not budge. My face was burning hot and I felt that at any moment my eyes would gruesomely pop from my head. My Ankh necklace was hitting against my chin. My dry lips parted.

"Hey!" I said hoarsely. "Help. Help me, please!"

It was useless. I was alone. I tried to take deep breaths to avoid from panicking but the buckle was digging deep into my lower abdomen. It was hard enough to think, talking myself out of panicking was even harder. I tugged on my seatbelt with all my might but nothing happened. I dangled lifelessly and guessed that about three feet of dead air separated me from the ground. I swung my hips back and forth and I pulled on the corner of the seatbelt. Gravity had finally offered a helping hand as I heard the belt begin to tear. A few more tugs and I was free. I spun in the air, landing on something soft…and squishy. I turned around and recoiled quickly. The dead eyes of a man stared back at me. It was the guy who had asked I was alright after we hit turbulation.

"Are you okay?" I asked, even though I knew better.

Fear was overtaking my body but I forced myself to check for his pulse. I raised his wrist carefully, watching his face the whole time as if at any moment he would spring to life and say, 'I got you big time!' but he didn't. His eyes didn't move, he never flinched, and he had no pulse. I felt so guilty. This man had a family, a career and whole life ahead of him. As did all the other lifeless eyes that seemed to suddenly appear around me. My heart picked up momentum and I told myself that it was time to run. I crawled through the mass of bodies and luggage.

"I'm so sorry," I said to no one as tears fell down my cheeks.

I wiped my tear stricken face and turned away, looking up to see the total damage. Luggage was askew everywhere and wires were dangling; they sparked and hissed in every direction. There were bodies too, several of them, scattered like rag dolls across seats. It felt like they were all looking at me to give them help that I didn't have; I didn't have magical healing powers, though at that moment I wished I did. Something about me felt so strange; like my heart kept skipping a beat or maybe it was hollowing out. Maybe it just hurt because I knew I could do nothing for these people. Either that or I was just scared shitless. Yes that was it, I was terrified. My breathing was fast and my palms were sweaty. _Fight or flight Sarah, what are you going to do?_ My conscience said to help and check everyone for life but my gut said flight, _get out now!_ As if on their own, my feet began to move, and I was forced to get up as I dragged myself over the luggage and people who remained on the plane. I felt like I had been crawling over people for a lifetime when sunlight finally appeared between the seats. Finally I reached the opening in the fuselage and jumped. My feet hit the sand and I gracefully tumbled down onto the ground. I slowly sat up to meet the pandemonium.

People were scurrying past me with looks of confusion and shock. A young girl about my age walked almost zombie-like with a glazed over look repeating the words,

"Crash, the plane, it crashed."

The entire scene felt completely unreal. I felt like I on sitting on my couch watching the pilot episode all over again. My brain literally could not take everything in. My eyes moved around endlessly. There a man screaming lying in the sand with a piece of shrapnel sticking out of his shine. A woman stood, spinning in a continuous circle calling out for Craig. Another woman was lying in the sand while a boy hovered over her, his hands pumping up and down against her chest. I blinked and stared harder – it was Rose and Boone.

"Oh my god," I said to myself. "This really is happening." I stood up swiftly, only to be brought down to my knees. The sand had suddenly swirled in with the sky and I shut my eyes, trying to shake off the dizziness. I crawled over to where Rose laid in the sand and watched Boone as he performed CPR. Nothing was happening, it wasn't working.

"Tilt her head back," I said to him.

"I am! I know what I'm doing!" Boone yelled to me over all of the other surrounding noise.

Rose was going to die. I looked past Boone and searched the beach. There were too many people who were all darting in different directions. They probably did not even see us down here in the sand to help us. What about that girl. Wait, she looks hurt. She keeps grabbing at her swollen stomach. Is that Emilie, or Claire, at this point I wasn't sure? A man in a suit blocked my view of her as he crouches to her level. It was Matthew. He had to help Rose.

"Matthew!" I shouted. He didn't look up me. Maybe he couldn't hear me.

"Matthew Fox!" I shouted much more loudly but still I got no response. We were losing time. Rose could die at any moment if someone didn't help us. I looked up to Matthew once again. He pointed out to someone and soon Hurley came jogging over. Now was the time. I parted my lips, if I didn't try then I would never know. I was very hesitant about what I was going to say next. I tried to lick my lips – _man my mouth is so dry._

"Jack!" I screamed. Bingo. He looked my way and spotted Boone, performing CPR. I was definitely starting to believe my I-stepped-into-the-Lost-realm theory. After a moment he began jogging my way before Hurly stopped him.

"What's your name?" Hurly called out.

"Jack!" Jack yelled back.

I couldn't believe it, he really is Jack? _Is this real? _Jack turned back towards me and knelt down besides Rose.

"You need to tilt her head back." Boone moved back as Matt…Jack took over for him.

"I know CPR. I'm a lifeguard, I'm certified." Boone said in defense.

Jack quickly glanced at him as he checked to see if Rose was breathing.

"Yeah well you need to seriously think about giving that license back," Jack said as he opened her mouth and forced air into her lungs.

"Maybe we should do one of those hole things, where you stick the pen in the throat." Boone suggested as he pointed to his own throat. Was this seriously happening? I felt like I was sitting in my own living room watching the pilot episode again, but this time – I was watching it unfold in the flesh. I mean, word for word, it was exactly the same.

"Yeah good idea. You go get me a pen." Jack continued to pump on Rose's chest as Boone ran off for help. It felt like an eternity. I couldn't stop looking at Jack as he stared down to Rose. I knew Rose would be okay, but even I began to second guess the situation.

"You can do it." I egged on in encouragement. Jack just slightly shook his head as if to shake off my distraction.

"Come on." He breathed. Finally Rose began coughing. I sighed in relief. Something over Jack's shoulder caught my eye. The wing of the airplane that was jutting out into the air began separating from the fuselage. I looked to the sand and saw Hurley with his hand on Claire's shoulder. They would die if they didn't move.

"Big deep breaths!" Jack was still coaching Rose.

I suddenly jumped up and began running towards Claire.

"Get out of the way!" I shouted to them. I fell down in the sand; my head suddenly began spinning and little stars interrupted my view. My eyes felt like they were swirling in my head. I saw the feet of Jack run past me.

"Move! Get her up, get her out of there!" Jack shouted to Hurley and Claire. They quickly got on their feet and ran away from the wing as it began descending. When it finally hit the sand the wing exploded. I had at least 100 feet away but could feel the heat that cascaded off of the debris. It cast the blue sky in front of me a dark orange as black smoke billowed from the fumes. The explosion had counteracted a calming effect as everything seemed to quiet down. People had stopped running and those who had needed help were being tended too. The worst, as I knew it, had ended.

Out of breath and energy, I rolled on my back to meet the sand and stared up into the sky. It was insanely blue despite the billowing clouds of the black that partially distorted my view. Out of reaction I brought my hands to my head; it was as if a tribal dance was partaking inside my skull and my brain was the drum being used to keep up the tempo. My head was pounding, my heart was racing and I couldn't breathe. Is this what a panic attack felt like? I tried to take in a deep breath but couldn't fill my lungs. I sat up and tried again but failed. I felt like I was going to faint. My eyes searched the beach frantically but no one, conveniently, was around. I fell back onto the ground, taking short breaths, watching as the black smoke smeared into the blue sky. It moved over my head as if being carried away to the ocean by an invisible force.

"Are you alright?" I heard someone say. I couldn't tell if they were talking to me and I didn't move to see if they were. "Hey!"

I turned my head to see the silhouette of a man standing ten feet in front of me.

"I, can't-" I began but he quickly came over and crouched at my side.

"Slow down its okay," he said. If I wasn't already losing my breath, I felt as if I really would stop breathing as Ethan stared into my eyes. "You were saying?"

"Breathe. I can't breathe," I whispered to him.

"Stand up," he said to me as he pulled on my arm and got me to my feet. "Put your hands over your head," he said as he put them above my head for me. Our noses were practically touching. "Try and take a deep breath and exhale as long as you can. Breathe," he said as he too took in a deep breath, as if to show me how. "And exhale."

It was actually working. The longer I exhaled the deeper of a breath I could take in. I nodded my head as if to tell him that it was working.

"There," he said matter-of-factly. "All better."

He smiled so smugly. The proper thing to do would be to thank him but I couldn't even believe that he was standing before me. Even on the small screen he had intimidated me. Ethan suddenly reached out and touched my neck.

"That's a very beautiful necklace," he said. "Was it a gift?"

I nodded as he let out a small laugh. "Where are my manners? My name's Ethan." He grabbed my hand and held onto it rather than shaking it. I took in another deep breath.

"Sarah," I said.

"Well Sarah it is very nice to meet you," he said. I stared at him with caution, feeling that at any moment he would reach out and snap my neck.

"You seem pretty calm Ethan," I said, "for just surviving a plane crash."

His smiled faded slowly.

"Well I guess it just hasn't hit me yet," he said. "I'm going to see if anyone else needs help. It was nice to have met you."

I watched as he left me standing in a field of debris. I eyed the beach lazily, not sure what to do with myself. Jack was crouched near the fuselage sifting through a piece of luggage. He rose with an item in his hand and our eyes met. I reached up to scratch my head and winced at the pain. I brought my hand down and saw blood on my fingertips. I assumed that the gash on the top of my head had happened inside the plane when we hit turbulence.

I looked up and Jack was gone. I realized that he had probably been searching for a small sewing kit to stitch up the gash on his back. Should I go help him? What if I help him instead of Kate and break some Lost equilibrium? I walked towards the tree line and did not go after Jack.

People were settling down even more now and Sayid had gathered a few people to help collect fire wood for the whole population. I decided to gather my own bundle of firewood in the hopes of being able to be alone. Even if I had just been through a traumatic situation and probably needed the support of other people I wanted nothing more than to just be alone and cry in my own solitude. I moved slowly to gather my wood, still feeling a little dizzy but not as bad as before. I set up my camp far away from the fuselage and the people and closer to the water. I was half hoping the sound of the waves would rid image of the bodies still lying inside the plane. I went to the nearest person sitting by a fire and kindly asked if I could take one of their logs over to where I was sitting to start my own fire. They offered for me to stay with them but I declined, telling them that I really needed to be with my own thoughts. They nodded in understanding and I helped myself.

I had never felt so alone in my life. My mother had always been the person I could rely on to talk me down when I'm angry and tell me when I'm being naïve and just listen when I want to vent. But she obviously wasn't here. I didn't feel comfortable just talking to a bunch of strangers; even I really knew a good handful of them. I couldn't just go up to them and say, "Hey, I know you. You're on my TV every Tuesday night."

I wiped my damp face and tried to like of positive things. One positive, I was alive. Another positive, I knew I wasn't going through this alone. As much as I tried to stay positive my mind couldn't help but wander. Was I really going through this right now? I mean, it felt real. The pain in my head feels real. The smell of the fire and the salty ocean air seemed real. The dusk sky looked amazing. People talking in the distance seemed real. The touch of the sand felt like every other beach I had been on. And yet after all of that I doubted myself. I kept waiting for my eyes to truly open to reality and I would still be on the plane, sitting comfortably with a pillow under my head, still LA bound. But at the moment, I wasn't, and I was trying desperately to grasp onto that concept.

I blindly played with my necklace as I watched the flames dance from one piece of wood to another. Everything before this day had seemed so simple. The way I felt about my dad suddenly didn't matter now – the whole situation seemed minimalistic and greater things were now happening to my life. I felt like I was suddenly being thrusted into dealing with this adult situation and would do anything to be back in LA about to go to college. I could never be 100% sure if I was really here, on the Lost island, surrounded by survivors of flight 815 which included Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Locke and that somewhere on this island – amongst the trees and the wildlife, lying in the shadow of the statue was Jacob. And if these were the cards I was being dealt then so be it – I'll play my hand.

After I could cry no more, and my own pity party had ended and everyone had gone home I devised a plan. Using a twig, I had outlined upcoming events that I should be aware of in the sand. The first was the walk to the cockpit which originally included Jack, Kate and Charlie. But that team roster was going to add one player, me. In the beginning of Lost, going out on outings was free game to everyone. Why not join in on as many as I can before A. I wake up and realize it all was just a dream and B. before people start picking only favorites.

I erased my outline with my hand and lied on the ground. The sky was cloudless and stars looked spectacular. I almost thought to myself that I should add an Astronomy class to my upcoming school schedule before I realized that school might not happen for me after all. A jolt from the jungle frightened me and I sat up. The trees in front of the beach swayed violently as the mixed sounds of dinosaurs, winding machines and tortured souls engulfed the air. Hello, smoke monster. I watched from my position as the people on the beach all huddled together and gossiped about the possibilities of what could have made such a noise and be that large. I smiled as I watched them and the trees calm down. The smoke monster had never really scared me but only intrigued me. How did such a thing come to be on the island and what exactly is it? I shook my head as I laughed to myself and eyed the beach again. I was being stared at by Jack and he stood with Kate – she was still looking towards the trees, as if waiting for whatever made that noise to come out and show itself. Jack stared at me with a confused look on his face and his brows furrowed. Hmm, maybe I should wipe the smirk off my face.

In my mind I had always thought that Jack and I would make fast friends. But right now it did not seem to be happening that way. Every time I saw him or was around him he looked at me oddly, like I was an obnoxious parasite sucking the blood out of his arm. A part of me knew I was being dramatic – I mean, hello, I've been here for a total of eight hours? But I did not think that I could go through this alone. I needed someone I could trust and confide in. Someone who would understand the crazy ass situation I was thrown into. What was once fiction for me was now reality – who on earth would believe a story like that one? Jack, a man of science, would think I was a goon and deem me delusional. But I wasn't. I was just a girl living one hell of a dream.

As I scanned the beach it suddenly came clear that I _could_ confide in someone and they wouldn't think I was totally crazy. But where were they? Just before the fuselage sitting by his self was the person I was looking for. He had gone through crazy situations and experienced personal hardships. If anything he would be the most sympathetic to my situation – well maybe not sympathetic, but he would believe me. Of all the things that had happened in his life how could he not believe me? That was that, I knew exactly who I could tell. And the first chance I got, I was going to confide in John Locke.


End file.
